


Before Next Spring

by BabySnoopy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-04-30 16:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14501376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabySnoopy/pseuds/BabySnoopy
Summary: You start your busy, hectic internship at SM entertainment in Autumn, where you worked within the management team for a boy group know for having "limitless members." You walked in with no expectations whatsoever but left the first day with an unshakeable impression of one of the members; Kim Doyoung.





	1. First Day

**Author's Note:**

> join me on this journey of becoming absolutely whipped for doyoung (and interact with me on twitter @jeonghaniebear ~)

You never really understood why people thought commuting was the most unpleasant part of the day. Sure, the train rides dragged on and personal space ceased to exist, but with your headphones drowning out the awkward silences and a keen eye watching the people around you, you quite enjoyed the bustling of public transport. 

Bodies started shifting, getting ready to arrive at the next stop which was your stop too. Hustling along with the crowd, you emerge out of the subway to be greeted by a gust of wind and a fresh view of Han river. Your habit of arriving way too early gave you time to wander along the river bank as the cold, crisp morning air pierces your nose with every breath you take. Autumn will always be your favourite season. You loved watching the colours the leaves changed into and the way they fall. Spring is beautiful too, but how does rebirth take place without death? It sounds less romantic and maybe even morbid put in that way, but it is necessary—it is a cycle.

You checked the time to find that you had 15 more minutes before your arrival was expected. Straightening up your jacket, you began to walk towards SM entertainment headquarters. The building loomed over you like it was trying to intimidate you on your first day. Your younger sister sees this building as some sort of holy site, but to you, it was just going to be the office of your internship for the next couple of months.

The elevator _dings_ and as if on cue, you inhale sharply to calm the nerves that were starting to make your heart race. The anxious thoughts were knocking but you tried to drown them out by focusing on the smallest of details. Your shoes weren't making sounds when you walk. _Good_. Your nose is no longer cold from breathing the cool air. _Good_. You’re walking through the hall and looking for room number— 

“Good morning! You must be [Y/N]!” Greeted an enthusiastic middle aged woman, emerging from a meeting room. By reflex, you broke into a smile and shook her hand before being ushered into the room. The floor to ceiling windows looked out onto the river and the view was breathtaking. 

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Said the lady who, you realised, did not introduce herself. 

“It really is, and it’s such a beautiful day,” you replied as you shifted your attention back to see the cheerful lady skimming through a set of documents. You carefully pull out a chair and take a seat in front her. She, on the other hand, did not. 

“Are you nervous for your first day?” She asks without looking up. Before you could answer, she quickly pulls out a sheet of paper, one she seemed to be looking for. “Here we go! So [Y/N], I’m sure you were briefed about your various responsibilities throughout this internship, dealing with PR-related things and all that during the interview? Yes?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t exactly—“ you started.

“It says here that you’re not too familiar with the artists we manage… But that’s completely fine!” The lady seemed to get even more chirpy by the minute. “We’ve just debuted a new group 2 years ago with quite a concept that can be confusing if not explained properly, and so you’ll be working within their different teams. Before I can send you off to start, I’ll have one of the members come and give you a brief introduction since their manager was unable to make it today.” The lady glances at her wristwatch. “He should be here very soon, but _I_ need to be elsewhere! It was a pleasure to meet you [Y/N], you won’t be seeing much of me again, but I hope this internship will be of valuable experience to you!” And without a second thought, the lady was gone. 

That meeting must’ve lasted barely 5 minutes and you were still unsure of what exactly you were doing. _Newly debuted group?_ It was at times like these you wished you had your sister and her comprehensive knowledge of SM’s artists and pop culture in general, with you. Before you could start to worry, the door opened again and a tall man peered inside. You locked eyes with him for what felt like too long before he cleared his throat and said, “excuse me, are you [Y/N]?”

You gulped and hoped that he couldn’t hear. _Was I supposed to know his name?_ “Yeah that’s me,” you tried to give a smile, hoping that it didn’t look forced. 

The black haired man instantaneously gave a slight bow before breaking into a smile.  _His gums are showing. Cute._  “Oh that’s great, I thought I was in the wrong room. I’m Doyoung… From NCT,” he continues. You must’ve had a blank expression on your face because he spared no time in jumping into explaining the groups’ concept. 

Throughout his elaborate explanation, you’d be lying if you said you were paying attention to _every_ single thing he was saying. It’s not that you found it boring but you found yourself instead paying attention to the fine details of this ~~really good-looking~~ person sitting across from you. He was wearing a black turtle neck inside of an oversized, striped dress shirt, which hung comfortably from his broad shoulders, with the front ends tucked into his jeans and the back hanging loose. His straight black hair fell into his eyes, and whenever he tried pushing it back, they only ended up in his face again. His symmetrical face structure reminded you of… _A bunny?_ He never broke eye contact with you the entire time and you had to remind yourself to keep nodding every now and then so it wasn’t obvious that you were just staring at him.

“Easy, right? I don’t know why people find it so hard to understand,” he laughs. “So does 3 o’clock this afternoon work with you? It should be enough time for you to get to know the staff behind the planned broadcasts for today.” 

_Oh my god, you’re spacing out again._ “Uh- yeah, 3 is- 3 is good.” The words could’ve gotten across more smoothly if your facial expression hadn’t given it away. 

“Were you listening?” He raised an eyebrow. You could feel your face heating up and your mouth opening without anything verbalising. With a soft chuckle he said, “I’ll probably see you for the broadcast in a couple hours but we can meet later on for coffee to go over tomorrow’s schedule?”

“Oh okay, yeah that sounds good,” you managed to say.

This meeting was brief too but watching the way he moved as he got up felt like slow motion as you found yourself wanting to stay with this man longer. He opened the door for you and then escorted you to another room, trying to ignore the fact that his hand was placed on your lower back when he introduced you to most of your new co-workers. Immediately swarmed by new faces and new tasks, you didn’t even notice that Doyoung had slipped out, which was probably a good thing because you needed to focus on your job, the reason you were here in the first place.

* * *

You were glad you weren’t tasked with fetching coffee or replacing printer ink but you didn’t realise how packed the schedules were. All of a sudden you’re at a studio where cameramen are setting up equipment, lighting and sound were being tested, and scripts were tossed around. A sudden chatter of noise builds up just outside the door, like school kids on a field trip, before a line of  ~~ extremely handsome ~~ boys dressed in tones of navy blue entered the studio in single file. Their good manners were shown through their synchronised greeting but you could not keep your eyes off of a single person. _How did he manage to look even better than when I saw him this morning?_ Doyoung’s eyes hid behind his black hair which was now curly and he now had on an (oversized!) sweater. You tried to get a look at the other boys, trying to match names with faces but there was something about Doyoung that has your eyes gravitating back.

Despite the need to multi-task throughout the broadcast, your mind still found time to wonder about who Doyoung really was. Watching him interact with, what you thought were, the younger members, it looked like he had a protective aura; like an older brother that might constantly bully you but at the same time would not hesitate to beat up anyone else who tried to bully you. He looked like someone who loved taking care of others, even when no one asked him to. He was clever and witty with his words, his humour making the entire studio laugh in unison, and it was in his subtle movements that you could see how much he loved what he does. 

You might have been a little disappointed that throughout the entire broadcast, Doyoung didn’t acknowledge your presence even when you had stood right in front of him to hand him a working microphone, but you brushed it off. _It’s not a big deal, you’re here to work, not to stare at cute idols._ 3 o’clock rolled around sooner than expected and you found yourself rushing towards SM’s library café. Doyoung sat sitting in the corner facing the window and you made your way over with a mouthful of apologies; you absolutely hated being late.

“Hey, no problem. How’s your first day been? I saw you at the broadcast but I was a bit distracted and I didn’t want to disturb you either.” _Yikes, he knew I was there? He paid attention to me? Calm down, he’s just being polite._

“Yeah it was crazy, I didn’t realise how fast-paced everything was.”

The rest of the afternoon comprised of going through schedules for the next day in which the group was supposed to do something called a vlive relay. Doyoung did not leave out a single detail for you and your heart would still be racing, knowing you’re sitting right across from him, if it weren’t for the anxiety that was stirring as you mentally listed your new responsibilities. Doyoung must’ve noticed your lack of input in the conversation as he reached out, much to your surprise, across the table and gently placed his hand on yours. His hand was warm and his skin was softer than you thought.  _You just met the dude, stop thinking about his soft skin._

“Hey, are you okay? It sounds overwhelming but you’re going to do fine, it’s just a matter of getting into the new routine and you’ll get into the swing of things before you know it.” You looked up at him and his gums were showing through his smile again. The afternoon sunlight from the window illuminated his eyes, turning them into a soft brown that you were starting to get lost in, when a voice yelled for Doyoung from across the room. Doyoung retreated his hand from yours immediately and stiffened, sitting straight in his seat and abruptly pointed at the documents set before you on the table. “So tomorrow…” he started, as if that brief moment between you two never happened.

“Doyoung!” the voice said again, belonging to a boy who was approaching your table. He definitely looked familiar. You were pretty sure he was a part of their group. The boy who was wearing a jeans jacket over his hoodie patted Doyoung on the back before noticing you. “Oh hi, I’m Mark!” the boy said with a wide grin as he bowed slightly before taking a seat next to Doyoung. Doyoung shifted in his seat, almost uncomfortably.

“Did we end up deciding what concept we want for the vlive tomorrow?” Said Mark. 

“We should do one like last time with Jungwoo, the one where we played games. But we should probably balance it out by interacting with the fans more too. What do you think [Y/N]?” Asked Doyoung, without meeting your eyes. His mannerisms weren’t necessarily cold, but it was obvious that something was different. 

“Yeah that sounds good. The fans really liked watching you guys have fun though, it really spiked the number of videos, gifs, and pictures on social media. Honestly they just live for your interactions with each other.” You definitely sounded way more confident than you did this morning as you reiterated this idea from a fellow co-worker. You took pride in how quickly you were able to adapt to new environments. Doyoung simply nodded in agreement, still avoiding eye contact with you. 

What followed was a brief conversation between the three of you, mostly with you just listening in, before Doyoung stood up and said, “I have somewhere to be now actually. [Y/N], I’m sure it’s going to get easier from here. By tomorrow our manager should have his schedule in check, so you’ll be meeting with him instead to go over schedules. Good luck! I’ll see you around.” _Oh_. He parted after a slightly awkward handshake, where his eyes met yours, communicating a look that you couldn’t quite read. _It was almost apologetic?_ Mark watched Doyoung leave and then turned to you with an expression that seemed regretful if he were to leave too.

“So! Will you be monitoring our vlive tomorrow?” Mark asks. His eyes were as bright and genuine as his smile was. As it turns out, you got along with Mark really well. You couldn’t remember the last time you had first met someone and felt like you immediately clicked. It’s rare to find people who are on the same level as you and you were glad that Mark stayed. 

“You didn’t know _anything_ about us before?” Mark asks, with his mouth gaping. “I mean—wait, I’m sorry, that sounded arrogant. I didn’t mean it like that. What about… EXO?” You shook your head. “SHINEE?” Another shake. “Okay, if you don’t know Super Junior, I’m taking back what I said about you being cool.”

“Correction, I didn’t know anything _before_ this morning,” you answered. 

“So why did you want to work here?”

You shrugged. “It was my major, it’s pretty interesting learning about how consumers, or audiences in this case, behaved. Plus there’s high demand for jobs like this and I guess I just got lucky to get one at one of the biggest companies.”

“Lucky? Nah, you seem like someone who works hard,” the brown haired boy replied, running his hand through his dishevelled hair. He hesitates before saying, “it feels cool that we’re actually both getting to know each other without you knowing my entire history. I guess I just hadn’t had this in a while. Also, the fact that you’re—you know… a girl.”

“A girl?” you repeated.

“Yeah…” he said this with a hint of embarrassment as he scratched the back of his neck.

“You might only be a year younger than me but you are such a child,” you said playfully. “But on a serious note, you’re cool too. Thanks for sitting here and talking with me, I’m ending the first day on a good note.” After a pause you say, “Doyoung was really nice too.” 

“Ah—Doyoung,” Mark said with a smirk, slightly shaking his head. 

“What?”

“Nothing! He’s great, he’s so cool but he gets a bit awkward sometimes, doesn’t he? Especially around girls he thinks are pretty,” as soon as that last bit came out of his mouth, Mark immediately coughed in attempt to distract you from what he just said. Honestly, you would’ve choked as well if your brain wasn’t trying to conjure up several alternate explanations. _Maybe I just misheard him. Maybe he said witty? Maybe he said pity?_

“Okay—yes! I love Doyoung!” Mark says with a knowing giggle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um so i did a thing?? pls bear with me this first chapter needed to set up context


	2. For the Fans

Weeks had gone by on end and Doyoung was right. It was just a matter of adjustment as you now walked into the building with a matcha latte in one hand and newfound confidence in the other, ready for what the day will throw at you. Time was a construct you no longer bothered with as NCT’s management knew nothing about having fixed hours. You didn’t mind it though, you enjoyed being occupied—even if it was supervising 18-year-old boys doing a cooking broadcast at 11PM. Your favourite part of this internship was the rotational aspect. In order to maximise your experience, your position rotated so your tasks differed from week to week. You could be assisting a manager with scheduling for one week, and then dealing with social media accounts the next. It was a very well-rounded experience, and it was good because it also meant that you didn’t have to see the boys all the time. Not that you didn’t enjoy their company, but it was hard not to be distracted by a certain someone.

There hadn’t been any new interactions with Doyoung ever since the first day and it didn’t help that your sister kept flooding you with random facts about him and links to “Cutest Doyoung Moments” videos. Once, sometime last week when you had personally handled NCT’s Twitter account, you found yourself pausing and staring at a selca of Doyoung, Jungwoo, and Jeno, in which Jungwoo had his arm stretched out to take the picture and Doyoung was comfortably snuggling the other two, his lead leaning on Jeno’s, pouting in the softest way possible. You could’ve let the whole world pass you by as you stared at that picture when the 6 minute timer went off telling you that it was time for you to post the next picture; to keep up the rapid-fire, as was instructed.Embarrassingly, you’ve had plenty more moments like that but considering how he left your last meeting, you’ve resorted to admiring him from a distance; beautiful but untouchable.

You and Mark, on the other hand, have texted quite often. Aside from the fact that he gives you timely information, being in almost all NCT units, you've also become much like a protective older sister who worries about him. When NCT127 left for Japan a week ago, in the midst of a phone call with Mark reconfirming airport details, he interrupted you by saying, “quick question; I should probably bring pyjamas, right?” 

Their fans were correct—Mark certainly needs his hand to be held when crossing the street.

* * *

With NCT127 away and returning next week, Jungwoo, Lucas and Kun were scheduled to do a vlive that gives the fans an inside look at what they do on days off and you were the one supervising. The weather had only gotten colder as you bundled up in about three layers, but was greeted with warmth as you walked into the board game café, your sinuses pleasantly met with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. You looked around to find Lucas and Jungwoo sitting across from each other on couches, with a ouija board on the table between them. 

“Hey you guys,” you said as you made your way towards them. “Where’s Kun?” You added, looking around. 

“Ah—he suddenly had 116 unit stuff to take care of, I think!” Jungwoo said as he took a sip from his drink.

A bewildered look was plastered on Lucas' face. “What? China unit? But _I’m_ in China unit?”

“Oh! No it’s leader stuff, now I remember,” Jungwoo replied with a gentle laugh.

“So we’re doing the vlive with just you two?” _Man, the fans are going to_ love _this_.

“It’s just us? Yes!” Lucas exclaimed, with a fist in the air. Both you and Jungwoo paused to look at him. He lowered his fist before saying, “I mean… yeah, cool bro,” and proceeded to fist bump Jungwoo. “Can we still play with this ouija board? Oh! I know! We can pretend the spirit is spelling out a cute message and we’ll say it’s for the fans! Wouldn’t that be cute?”

“Lucas, that’s… creepy,”said Jungwoo, sounding apologetic. You took out, what the team calls the _neo-phone_ , getting ready for them to film the broadcast. Supervising vlive broadcasts were your favourite. Aside from watching the boys trying to occupy themselves for thirty minutes (and sometimes an hour), your only job was to make sure they don’t mention brand names, don’t show brand products, don’t give out spoilers, and that the video gets reuploaded and _not_ deleted. There was particular emphasis on the last bit. 

You kick back at a table that was close enough to monitor the boys but far enough to not get caught within the frame. Whilst downing a mug of hot chocolate, your phone suddenly burst into a fit of vibrations. Thinking it was a phone call, you hurriedly looked for your phone in your bag. _False alarm._ It was just Mark with a spam of photos they had taken at their showcase in Japan. You immediately opened the photos because you were supposed to send them to your team’s supervisor. As you were saving them one by one, Mark sent another one, this time with a message.

**Mark @ 2:33PM:** **_wait omg, don’t post that last one!! he might kill me lol_ **

**Mark @ 2:34PM:** **_isn’t it cute tho? i got it at a gift shop. i just put it on his lap and he hugged it immediately_ **

The photo Mark had sent was of Doyoung sleeping, leaning against the car window. He had on oversized red plaids over a white t-shirt and a black face mask. But what made you involuntarily smile was the fact that he was quite literally hugging a white, stuffed bunny. Both arms tightly wrapped around the fluffy doll. 

“Ooooh, who are you texting?” Someone cooed. You looked up to see Lucas giving you _that_ smirk and Jungwoo smiling shyly to himself. _Did 30 minutes really go by like that?_ You hadn’t realised that the boys were done with their broadcast. “Is it Doyoung?” Lucas continued. Your heart did a somersault at the sound of his name and you couldn’t stop your eyes from widening. Jungwoo’s eyes beat you to it as he tried to cover it up by letting out a laugh. “What?”

“What?” You said.

“What?” Lucas repeated. There had to be 30 seconds of silence before Lucas burst out into a loud fit of laughter with Jungwoo joining in. 

“What are you guys talking about?” You persisted, still not processing what Lucas had just said. 

“It’s nothing!” Jungwoo offered. “Here’s the phone by the way, don’t accidentally delete the video like the other guy,” he said as he handed me the phone.The subject quickly changed from there and you didn’t have the chance to bring it back. _Why would they think I was texting Doyoung?_

You headed back to SM afterwards with the boys. You parted at the elevator as Jungwoo and Lucas had a dance practice to get to and you could’ve sworn you saw Jungwoo subtly link arms with Lucas as they walked out. You arrived at the office floor and found your supervisor sitting at her desk, typing away furiously on her phone. “Haven’t finished the Twitter updates?” You asked, as you took a seat next to her. She exhaled sharply and said, “last post is… done!”

Your supervisor had worked here since before NCT debuted and had helped you the most in learning the ropes of the job. You looked up to her like a mentor at this point. “Did you know that Kun had something else to do? So he didn’t join the vlive they just did,” you started.

“Oh my god, so it was a _Luwoo_ vlive? The fans are going to be a mess,” she replies. 

“I know,” you laughed.

“By the way, you might have to monitor another one next week. It won’t be as long as the regular vlives though… Well, we’re actually thinking about changing it up a bit—I’ll explain later. So we tried working out which pairs or groups of three have matching schedules and we’ll have them broadcast together but unfortunately some members’ schedules just keep overlapping so they might have to do solo ones. You’ll be monitoring one of the solo ones, is that cool?” Your supervisor explains.

“Yeah, no problem. Who is it?” You said, not giving it much thought. You figured monitoring only one member meant you barely had to do anything at all. “I think you got Doyoung,” she replies, completely oblivious to the fact that you had frozen in place.

* * *

You sat on a bench in the park, with Lang Leav’s ‘Love & Misadventure’ in your hands (it’s the third time you’ve read it), snuggled up in a thick scarf. The mess of yellow, orange, and brown leaves put your heart at ease and the barren tree branches remind you that winter will soon be arriving—although it had very much felt like it was here already. Your knees were shaking and at this point you weren’t sure if it was in anticipation, nervousness, or because of the cold. Out of the corner of your eye, you could make out a tall, familiar figure walking towards you but you buried yourself in your book, pretending not to notice him until he sat next to you on the bench. With a deep exhale he said, “I’m really sorry that I’m late.”

You put the book down, turn to him and offer a smile, using everything in your power to stop your legs from shaking. “You’re not late, I just got here early.” Doyoung was wearing another dress shirt today, but it was hard to tell if it was oversized under the thick coat he had on. His hair was curly again, like at the broadcast last time, and you could now see the tiredness in his eyes. 

“So is it only you today?” He asked, shifting his eyes around the park that was almost empty, except for a young girl in a yellow rain coat playing on the swings with her dad. 

“Yeah well, it’s only you today too, isn’t it?” You remarked. Nothing about the air felt odd like you thought it would, considering how he ran out on you and Mark that time. You were surprised he still remembered your name and at how he seemed genuinely interested in how you were doing. 

“A boyfriend concept?” Doyoung repeated. Although your nose stung from inhaling the cold air, you could still feel your cheeks burn. You had practiced having this conversation at least three times in the mirror last night but you still felt embarrassed. “Um—yeah, I don’t know, it’s what they want. Apparently the fans thought it was really cute when Lucas did that last time. So you’re doing something similar but like, not as a long video broadcast.”

“Basically, more like snapshots and short videos of me pretending to be their boyfriend?” Doyoung inquired.

“Yup,” you nodded. You handed him the neo-phone, ready to let him do his own thing so that you could get back to your book. Although you had the dog-eared pages opened in front of you, you couldn’t help but look over to see Doyoung standing, holding out the phone and struggling to find an angle he wanted. Without even looking at you he said, “don’t watch me. You’re making me nervous.” 

You immediately felt shy and looked down at your book, smiling. “I’m not watching you. I’m busy reading.” After a couple minutes of silence from his end, Doyoung came back to sit next to you on the bench. “It’s going to be awkward if I do it myself so I need you to help me.”

“Uh—last time I recalled, I’m not a member of NCT,” you retorted. 

Doyoung gave you an unimpressed look. “What I _mean_ , is that if the fans want it to look like they’re the ones being with me, then someone else has to take the pictures, right? You’re here anyway, you’re supposed to help monitor the content we post right? So monitor me. Come on, help me out.”

After a brief pause, you close your book. “Fine. I was expecting to not have to do anything but here I am.” Doyoung’s gummy smile came back with a cheeky tinge and now you’re certain that your knees were not shaking because of the cold. 

Doyoung did not hesitate in taking the lead and seemed to have a clear idea of what concept he wanted, so you walked over with him to the swing set which was now empty. Doyoung instructed you to hold the neo-phone and stand behind him as he sat on the swing. “Okay, now take a short video and then push me gently, so it’s like the fans are the ones doing it. But don’t push me hard, I don’t want to swing that high,” Doyoung explained. 

“Why? Are you scared?” You teased.

“No, I’m not. But just don’t do that.” You did exactly as he asked but couldn’t stop yourself from laughing as you watched him through the camera. 

“Can you _please_ look more lively? You look like you’re being forced to do this,” you said.

“I technically am, aren’t I?” He replied. You roll your eyes at him. All of a sudden he kicks off the ground to swing himself harder and threw his head back in an exaggerated expression of joy, faking a laugh and making comments about how much fun this was. It looked ridiculous in person, but it was exactly the content you needed. After the swings, Doyoung walked ahead following the pathway and you took the opportunity to take candid shots of him from behind. For the fans of course. Doyoung looked back at you and reached out his hand. 

“Oh! Stop moving! This is a good shot, it’s like you’d want to hold hands with the fans,” you said as you took more photos. But Doyoung didn't stop. He continued to walk back towards you and then took your left hand from your pocket, interlacing his fingers with yours. The warmth of his hands in sudden contact with yours set off a minor electric shock that had your heart beating out of your chest. 

“Take one like this,” he says. His confidence did not falter, whereas _you_ wanted nothing more than to melt into the ground.  _It's for the fans._  Unable to say anything, you aimed the camera at him, and took some very cliché take-me-with-you photos.

“Okay, got ‘em.” You were ready to let go when he squeezes your hand tightly saying, “let’s go find a warm place for lunch now, your hands are freezing.” And so you both set off like this, his hand not letting go of yours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow thanks for getting to the end. IT'S STILL SLOW IM SORRY, but from here on out we going to get to the good stuff. excited to unravel doyoung's sass


	3. Kiss Me Slowly*

“Are you kidding me?” You say into the phone as you watched the train you were about to board, the train that takes you home, leave the station. It was almost 10:30PM on a _Friday_ night and after an exhausting day of sorting out posters for Dream’s winter comeback next week, your supervisor really had the heart to call you back in. “[Y/N], I am so sorry, you _know_ I wouldn’t call you back if it wasn’t urgent. Everything’s messed up. The packaging, the photo cards—chaos. We’re really shorthanded and we need this sorted for tomorrow morning.”

You grudgingly made your way back to the office, texting your sister to reschedule the movie night you were supposed to have, since it was likely you’d be spending the next couple hours, if not the entire night, cleaning up the mess at SM. Apparently the manufacturer stuffed up big time, accidentally printing 1500 of the Dreamies’ photo cards as negative images. The results were horrifying. The new, correctly coloured, photo cards had only arrived when you did, but because the albums were being shipped out tomorrow, you had to insert the photo cards into the albums _by hand._

You stepped out of the elevator to be greeted by almost all staff members from all NCT units, sprawled across the floor with half opened albums, plastic wraps, and negative photo cards being thrown around. You gave a loud sigh before dropping your bag and joining the rest of the crew on the floor. 

**Unknown @ 02:04AM:**   _**come to the practice room upstairs** _

You frowned at the message. _How did he know I was still here?_ You got up not realising how sore your legs were from sitting cross-legged on the ground for almost 4 hours straight. You got through at least 100 albums on your own, so you definitely deserved a break. Without a word, you slipped out and found your way up the stairs. Normally, you’d think a building like this one would be deserted and dead silent at this time of night, but that would be incorrect. With the city sound asleep, you are bound to hear the echoes of noise throughout the halls, be it a late night broadcast, a dance practice, or just overworked staff and idols hanging around.  
****

NCT’s practice room was considerably larger than the rest for obvious reasons. You peer through the small glass window on the door only to see that the lights were off. “Hi,” comes a voice from behind you out of nowhere. You jerked backwards, causing your head to directly impact something sharp. Startled and unaware of how closely Doyoung was standing behind you, you turned around to find him slowly rubbing his chin. “Thanks for that.”

With your hand clutched to your chest, you glared at Doyoung, who was now looking down at you with a smirk, clearly pleased with himself. “Really?” You said in a loud whisper. Doyoung moves you aside to walk into the practice room, without turning on the lights and sits right on the floor, leaning against the mirror. He looks up at you, where you’re standing in the middle of the doorway and lightly pats the space next to him, gesturing for you to come and sit beside him. With no questions asked, you do. He pulls out his phone and starts playing a voice recording of a tune you hadn’t heard before. “It’s for our new Station. Another one of Jaehyun, Taeil and I.” It was a raw recording of someone playing the guitar (probably Taeil) and blissful harmonies of lyrics that were still incomplete. The recording sounded like the early demo stages of what seemed to be a sweet ballad. 

You leaned your back against the mirror and looked across to see the drawn curtains on the opposite side of the room give you a clear view of the skyline; the city lights had nothing on the night sky littered with stars. The strumming of the guitar echoes through the spacious room. You turned back to look at Doyoung to find him staring straight ahead out the window as well. Quite literally in the dark, you couldn’t see anything else but him. From a distance, anyone could easily pick up his undeniable visuals. Up close though, you were able to notice the finer details.You didn’t notice how thick his eyelashes were until you watched them slowly brush against his face as he blinked. You didn’t notice how high and defined his cheekbones were until the moonlight gently kissed his face. And you definitely didn’t notice his lips curving up into a smile. “Are you done staring?” He softly says as he slowly turns to look at you, leaning his head back against the mirror. 

You comfortably lock eyes with him, silence filling the air as the recording comes to an end. This is the second time you’re this close to him. The first being last week, when you got lunch together and he wanted a bite of your burger but wouldn’t let you go anywhere near his. At the time, you both exchanged playful looks, ones that were flirtatiously layered. But the look he had this time, at 2AM, was different. You notice that you’ve stopped yourself from exhaling but it was so quiet, you were sure that he wasn’t letting himself breathe either. Without a second thought you inch closer to his face. He reciprocates until you were practically nose to nose with each other when suddenly the door bursts open and the lights flicker on. 

Mark comes skipping into the room, with Taeyong following behind him. At the sight of you and Doyoung sitting on the floor, _relatively_ close, Mark freezes in his tracks with his mouth gaping. You hear a gasp escape from Taeyong as he rushes towards Mark and uses both hands to cover his eyes. “Taeyong, stop overreacting,” Doyoung says as he pushed himself off the ground and walked towards them. 

“Why were you guys sitting on the floor? Actually, why where you guys sitting on the floor _in the dark?_ ” Mark says in complete disbelief, his eyes rapidly moving back and forth between you and Doyoung. 

“We thought you went back to the dorm,” chimed Taeyong, adding a nervous laugh which did not do anything to help his ears that were turning a shade of pink.

“Yeah, we thought you bailed, so we went to get a snack. But… um… should we leave—are we interrupting…” Mark trails off as he motioned towards the door.

“Relax Mark, I was just showing her the new song,” Doyoung replied, matter-of-factly. 

“The new…“ And the boy gasps. ”Sshh, you can’t tell anyone about… the _song!_ ”

“Too late. [Y/N], what did you think of it?”

If it wasn’t for the mention of your name, you would have completely forgotten that you were physically present in this conversation. Maybe your brain was processing at a slower rate during the ungodly hours of the night, but that didn’t change the fact that all eyes were on you as you tried to reconfigure your thoughts. How was it that one moment you were tiredly sorting out albums, the next you were trapped in Doyoung’s gaze, and now the same man is nonchalantly putting you on the spot, asking for your opinion on a song that you really didn’t give much thought about because the _only_ thing you can recall was how close his lips were to yours?

Mark vigorously waves his hands at you, “[Y/N]???” 

All you managed to get out was, "I liked it."  _Nice._

“Anyway, didn’t you want to show me some new choreography or something?” Doyoung says. “[Y/N], you should probably head back downstairs, they might be looking for you.”

You could only make out a mumble of ‘byes’ as you left the room. Closing the door behind you, you peaked through the small glass window through the door to take one more look at Doyoung who looked completely unbothered. _Where did the Doyoung I was with, just 10 minutes ago, go?_ He practically kicked you out of their practice room and now you were walking down the stairs simultaneously trying to wrap your head around what exactly just happened.

You were sure, you were absolutely positive, that there was something in the air between you and Doyoung. There was no way you could’ve misread that situation. _Right?_ You weren’t sure anymore, it was as if something and nothing happened at once. As if it was there and it wasn’t. It was a contradiction on its own but what you _were_ certain about was that everyone is lying when they say your heart flutters and your stomach fills with butterflies. What you had felt was not fluttering. What you felt was pure electricity coursing through your veins. Forget the sound of your heart thumping against your ribcage, you felt as if the pulse in your wrist was going to burst.

“[Y/N]!” Yelled a voice. “I’ve been looking all over for you! We’re almost through all the albums now so you should go home, I know how tired you must be. I do apologise again.”

You reached your house a little after 3AM and hopped straight into bed. You don’t know why though, because you knew very well that you weren’t going to get any sleep. You toss and turn in your blanket, your mind replaying that specific moment on loop. Not more than an inch apart from Doyoung’s face, you realised that he was there, right under your nose. A breath away and yet you could not grasp him. 

* * *

On Sunday morning, you shamelessly blasted EXO-CBX’s ‘Lazy’ as you made yourself breakfast. Working at SM only meant that you simply _had_ to know their artists’ music and you were wondering why you hadn’t heard this song sooner. Sometimes you unexpectedly get called in to work on the weekends but your supervisor must’ve felt really bad for what happened on Friday that she even texted you upfront to take the entire weekend off. But the supervisor’s texts were not the ones you were expecting when you saw your phone light up. Nothing from Doyoung. _Maybe I really did misread the situation?_

The following week unfolded rapidly as you were working with Dream’s team for their winter comeback. You went to every single pre-recording and helped with the preparations for fansigns. You still hadn’t seen Doyoung or heard from him and maybe that was good because you almost had no time for your feelings to be confused by a stupid boy. But Doyoung wasn’t stupid, neither was he just a boy. As much as you hoped these trail of thoughts would stay as just that;  _thoughts_ , Mark was exceptionally good at reading expressions as he nudged you while waiting backstage before one of their performances. “You look like you might want to punch someone.”

“Maybe I do.”

“Doyoung maybe?” Mark suggested. You shot him a look and Mark winced with a presumptuous smirk growing on his face.

“Alright, that is _it_. What is going on? Don’t pretend like I can’t hear you and Hyuck giggling in the back of the car, mentioning Doyoung’s name and mine when I literally sit in front of you guys.”

“But we just—“

“Nope. Zip it. A couple days ago, Jungwoo asked me if I thought bunnies were cute and asked if I would like to have one as a pet. He then proceeded to show me pictures of bunnies doing human things.” 

“I mean, bunnies _are_ —“

“Taeyong couldn’t stop giggling when he asked me if I would choose him or Doyoung to be stuck in an elevator with.”

Mark let out an exasperated sigh. “See, this is _exactly_ why we don’t tell Taeyong about the pranks. He gets too excited and then gives the entire thing away. But to be honest, I’m surprised that he hadn’t already blurt out Doyoung’s confession to you himself.” His expression immediately changed to one that read "oops" but  before you could interrogate him any further, he was called up on stage and now you might actually swing a fist when he gets back.

* * *

You go into a slight panic when you look through your peephole to find Doyoung standing outside of your house, scrolling on his phone and a brown paper bag in his other hand. He was wearing an oversized grey hoodie and his hair was tousled, as if the wind could not resist. You thought 127 had something on today, but then again you’ve been busy with Dream that it was getting hard to keep up. You slowly open the door and Doyoung looks up from his phone. “Please let me in, I’m freezing.” You gesture for him to come inside and he politely takes his shoes off, before walking in and placing the paper bag on the kitchen counter as if he had done this before. 

“How do you know where I live?” You said as you closed the door behind you.

“I read your resumé.” 

“And is that supposed to be an open invitation for you to just come over?” You were starting to get a little conscious about the unfolded blankets thrown around on the floor.

“Yes and I’m cooking you dinner tonight,” he says as he starts unpacking the paper bag, which was filled with ingredients for a recipe you probably didn’t know of. Heck, you didn’t particularly enjoy cooking, so there weren't recipes you did know of anyway.

“You telling me to do things with you, instead of asking, is becoming repetitive."

“If I phrased it as a question, it gives you the chance to say no,” he stops unpacking for a moment. “But I don’t want you to say no.” You roll your eyes as you looked away because you knew very well that your face was turning as red as the tomatoes he just took out of the bag. 

Doyoung got to work immediately and never in your life would you have thought that cooking was fun until you did it with Doyoung. He lied when he said he would cook for you because he made you do half the work by getting you to peel and slice vegetables. He walked you through the entire process explaining the recipe to you. Apparently it was his mom’s favourite and that she always had him cook it for her whenever he was able to come home. He talked about his family with such pride that you realised you hadn’t seen this side of Doyoung before. He told you more about himself as equally as he wanted to know more about you. Somehow in his company, you found it easy to unravel in bits and pieces and Doyoung kept glancing up to let you know he was listening. 

While waiting for the dish to finish baking in the oven, Doyoung walks around your home like he was inspecting your personal belongings. You watched him pick up an old framed photo of you and your sister, taken years ago when you grinned proudly with your braces. He smiled to himself and then put it back. He then pointed at the window sill, where you had empty plant pots aligned. “Why don’t you grow some plants in those?”

“Believe me, I tried.”

Doyoung walked back to where you were, sitting on the kitchen counter. He placed his hands on either side of you on the surface and again, you were nose to nose with the boy. “So you didn’t know how to peel a carrot, and you can’t remind yourself to water some plants every now and then?” Without hesitation or a second thought, you wrap your arms around Doyoung’s neck and gently run your fingers through the hair at the back of his head.

"At least I have a job though," you say. He leans in gently and places an endearing kiss on your forehead.

"That's true, otherwise we wouldn't have met."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm genuinely so full of love and appreciation for y'all who have made it to the end of this chapter and that you're actually reading this ILY
> 
> *song title by Parachute (a nostalgic favourite) which inspired the practice room moment


	4. I Love What You Love

The icy air is piercing and sharp but it seamlessly seeps through the cracks of your window and lightly caresses your foot, waking you up in the early hours of the morning. Doyoung was hogging the blanket _again._ Half awake, you think about tugging it back but you change your mind immediately when you look over to see him lay so peacefully, wrapped up in warmth. You don’t remember what time he came in last night, but with his own key to your place, he often slipped in and out without a word. The beginning months of the year have been the busiest for both you and Doyoung. Comeback season was a time of non-stop, relentless schedules but you both somehow made it work.

You throw on one of Doyoung’s hoodies that was on the floor as you go to boil the kettle for a hot cup of tea. The coldest parts of winter this year wasn’t cold, not with Doyoung. You both agreed that it was best if this thing between you two was kept quiet. Not even the members knew. Expectations were voiced and you didn’t care for a label as long as you were both honest with each other. Since you couldn’t go out in public together, Doyoung always found a way to bring the dates to you; he was sweet that way. He resumes his brazen smart talk when there are other people around but was as cuddly and clingy as ever whenever he gets you alone. Some days he snuck out of the dorm to bring you take-out while watching old Disney movies, whereas other days he snuck _you_ into the dorm to play monopoly or a game equally as frustrating (especially with Doyoung). The thrill and innocence of secrecy and hiding to steal quick kisses made it feel like a classic teenage love affair. 

“Why do you keep taking my clothes?” Says a groggy voice. You turn to see Doyoung yawning in the doorway of the bedroom before sluggishly joining you on the couch. He wraps his arms around your waist and leans on your shoulder. You pull your arm out from under him and shift your body so that he was now comfortably laying on your chest with your arm rested on his back. 

“Cause they’re baggy and I like them.” You take his hand and gently kiss his knuckles good morning.

“This one isn’t mine though, it’s Mark’s.”

“No wonder it smelled different." You pause. "Speaking of which, as much as I love being shoved into the closet when we’re at your dorm, it’s getting kind of hard to tip-toe around Mark. Doesn’t he suspect anything from you? Like when you sneak out?”

“I come over late because I tuck him into bed myself and wait for him to fall asleep.”

“That's cute.”

“I mean, I was thinking about telling him the other day. But if I tell Mark, then I have to tell Jungwoo. And I can’t tell Jungwoo without telling Lucas. Then if it’s Lucas, I’m sure 116 will know and—“

“And when all of NCT finds out, the managers will too.” You didn’t mean for that to come out the way it sounded. As if you needed other people to know to validate this relationship. Maybe a part of you _did_ want people to know but you brushed that thought aside. It was selfish and it shouldn’t matter. The last couple months had been so good to you, Doyoung had been so good to you, because the entire world ceased to exist when it was just you and him.

Doyoung lifts his head to look out the window. “I swear those empty pots are so ugly.”

“Oh come on, they're not that bad.”

“They're empty. It’s almost spring, I’ll bet it’s way easier to grow some plants now. You know what, I’ll steal some of Taeyong’s plants for you.”

“How romantic.”

“I’ve been looking forward to spring all winter.”

“Is it your favourite season?”

“Probably. What’s yours?”

Autumn leaves suddenly seemed distant as your mind only made room to picture the bright cherry blossoms paired with Doyoung’s smile. You start to rub his back, “I love whatever you love.”

* * *

One morning, as you’re sitting at your desk working through a spreadsheet, your supervisor comes over and taps you on your shoulder. “I have a question.”

“Shoot,” you responded.

“Does Doyoung have a thing for you?”

You almost choked at her comment but kept your eyes glued to the screen in front of you. If she was able to get a good look at your expression, the answer would have given itself away. “That’s out of the blue…” You try, hoping that she couldn’t detect the lie in your voice.

“Oh yeah, I was just clearing data from the neo-phone and I found these photos,” she says as she slides the phone over on the table. You take a look and realise they were taken that one time you had to monitor Doyoung for the boyfriend concept posts. Taken from a distance, it was a picture of you sitting on the park bench. You had no idea.

You shook your head and looked back at your computer, “I didn’t even know those were taken. He was probably just testing out the angle.” Your supervisor chuckled and mumbled something about keeping an eye on you as she left your side. You gave yourself an extra 5 minutes after she left, just to be sure, before letting yourself exhale and then immediately texting Doyoung what just happened.

**Unknown :) @ 8:44AM: oh my god i was going to delete them after i sent them to myself lol**

**You @ 8:44AM: ??? creepy?**

**Unknown :) @ 8:45AM: look, you were practically swallowed up by that scarf you were wearing**

**Unknown :) @ 8:47AM: you looked really cute :(**

**Unknown :) @ 8:47AM: also we’re busy with radio interviews today so i can’t text you but i’ll see you tonight <3 **

**Unknown :) @ 8:48 AM: ok last message but we’re still doing dinner with your mum next week right?**

You caught yourself smiling through the reflection of your phone. Family was Doyoung's #1 pride but you never thought he would extend it towards you and your own family, especially since the whole relationship needed to be a secret. It didn’t stop Doyoung though, he wanted to meet your mum after only a month of going out. He was persistent, nagging every other day, claiming how much she would love him. The first time he asked, you immediately rejected the idea. “Actually, maybe it is best if I don’t meet her yet. She might like me so much that she’ll disown you to adopt me.” You did not hesitate to fling a pillow at his smug face. 

You recall the time when you finally, reluctantly, agreed to have Doyoung meet your mum. You both planned to meet at your mum’s house. Luckily your sister was on a school trip otherwise, being the ultimate SM fangirl, she might have just started shrieking. The man who arrived at the door was, not just Doyoung, but model student Doyoung. His bow greeting your mum was at a perfect 90 degree angle and he even dusted off the soles of his socks thrice before entering the house. Your mum was still in the middle of cooking dinner but Doyoung did not hesitate to join her and help her out whilst you sat at the dining table, watching them laugh and get along as if they hadn’t just met. For a split-second, Doyoung glances back at you and flashes you a knowing smirk, one that definitely read “I told you she’ll love me.”

Dinner was one part conversation but three parts Doyoung and your mum making fun of you. It seemed that all of a sudden your mum was able to recall every single embarrassing thing you’ve done up until high school. You watched as Doyoung clutched his stomach as he threw his head back laughing and you couldn’t help but really like this view, despite the fact that he was laughing at you. You catch yourself thinking about the future, a future in which Doyoung was a part of because you couldn’t see one without him. You slightly shook your head. _Don’t get ahead of yourself, remember what happened last time._

Doyoung had to leave for a late night radio schedule, but not before helping your mum clear the table even though she kept insisting him not to. He really was giving his all in front of your mum. You part with him at the door with a quick kiss goodnight and plopped yourself back on the sofa. “Do you love him?” Your mum suddenly asks.

“ _Mum…_ ” You whine as you hug your knees close to your chest. You weren’t exactly sure what you felt but you knew you wanted him. Almost all the time. You wanted him when you were completely elated. When nothing could ever top the feeling he gives when he wraps you in a hug so tight that he lifts your feet off the ground. You wanted him on opposite days. When your anxiety creeps in behind your back, unannounced. When the clouds were darker than usual and your bones felt heavy like lead. But the times you've wanted him most? These were the times when he asks you to hold him. When he sheds off that tough exterior so he could melt in your arms. When his tired eyes won’t meet yours, when not a single word is said. It was in those silent moments that you both knew what the other was thinking, without finding the need to say it. Perhaps you would do anything for the man, but did you love him?

“Well, you don’t need to say it, I could see it written on your face whenever you looked at him. _I_ love him too,” your mum says as she sits next to you. “I’ve never seen you so happy all the time.”

“What? No I’m the same,” you frowned.

“Whatever you say, sweetie. Promise me you’ll be careful though, okay? Idols are—it’s tricky.”

“I know, I know…” You said. You knew this, of course you did but there was no way that Doyoung could do anything to hurt you. That wasn’t possible. If anything, you were scared that _you_ were going to mess things up. But you were pretty good at convincing yourself that things were going to be fine. It had to be.

* * *

**You @ 11:54PM: is the coast clear**

**Unknown :) @ 12:05AM: ok it is now**

**Unknown :) @ 12:05AM: sorry mark wouldn’t leave**

You walk into the practice room to find Doyoung laying on his back on the floor with his eyes closed. You stand over him for a while before lightly kicking his leg. “You dead?” He hums in response. You sit cross-legged next to him and continued to stare with your chin on your palm.

“Can I just quit?” He mumbles.

“Okay.”

He opens one eye to look at you, “then can you quit too?”

“And then what?”

He paused to think for a bit. “Then we can elope.” You bite your lip trying your hardest not to laugh but Doyoung still kept a straight face. Suddenly he sits upright and scoots right in front of you, his knees touching yours. “Think about it,” he whispers. “We could runaway. To a small town far away from the city. We could get a farm. Herd some cattle… Actually, you should herd the cattle and I’ll take care of the crops otherwise we’ll starve—“

“You’re stressing out and you’re tired.” You cup his cheeks with your hands.

Doyoung blinks twice. “Your eyes are so pretty,” he mumbles with his squished face. You lightly kiss his nose for that comment. “But we both know mine are still prettier."  _Never mind._ You immediately let go of his face to shove him but he was quick to grab your arm and pull you close, trapping you in a slow, deep kiss. He did this a lot and you hated how weak you were for his touch. You both could've stayed lip-locked for longer if it wasn’t for the choked gasp grabbing your attention from the door. There Mark was, frozen in place with his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets. 

Doyoung’s ears were starting to turn scarlet as he looks back and forth between you and Mark, a slight panic in his eyes. _Did he see anything? Maybe I could just say we’re doing work? That’s so stupid though, that obviously did_ not _look like work. Mark wouldn’t tell anyone… But what if Doyoung can’t deal with us getting caught? His job is definitely more on the line than mine is…_

The silence between the three of you was lingering and getting strange so you get up and walk towards the distraught-looking boy, trying to come up with an excuse. “Hey—that was… that wasn’t… we’re not—“ was all you could stutter.

“Yeah—no, I’m sure… Okay… I wasn’t even here. Didn’t see anything… I’ll just—“ Mark stutters in return as he turns around to leave.

“Wait,” Doyoung interrupts. With one foot already out the door, Mark turns to look back. “I don’t like keeping this from Mark.”

Now _you_ were the one who was confused. “What?” 

Doyoung pushes himself off the floor and walks over to where you and Mark are. He places a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “You won’t tell anyone, right?”

“Tell anyone what?” Whispers a voice from behind. None of you had noticed Taeyong quietly creeping in. 

“Oh my god,” cried Doyoung. 

“No, it’s fine! Taeyong can keep a secret! You can keep a secret right?” Mark says, shaking Taeyong’s shoulder.

“Everyone in SM knows he can’t keep a secret.” Doyoung’s hands were rubbing his temple.

“Um, yes I can.”

"You absolutely cannot. For Jisung's birthday you literally-"

“DOYOUNG AND [Y/N] ARE GOING OUT!” Blurts out Mark. He immediately covers his mouth after he practically yelled and there was a sudden giddy energy emanating from him. You felt yourself blush when Taeyong points back and forth between you and Doyoung, with a shy smirk growing across his face. “That means you owe me dinner,” Mark continues.

“Wait, you guys knew?” You said, still sounding puzzled. 

“I mean, Doyoung _had_ been sneaking out a lot—“ Mark starts.

“What? You weren’t sleeping?” Doyoung was in disbelief.

“I once caught him stealing one of my plants, and he said it was for a gift but he wouldn’t tell me for whom,” Taeyong recalls.

“He’s also been smiling a lot whenever he gets a text. We thought it was Jeno but Jeno was in the room so it couldn’t have been him.”

“Not to mention he also once snapped at me by saying, and I quote, ‘you’re just jealous cause I’m the happiest man alive’ during practice,” adds Taeyong.

Hearing all these things about Doyoung was a novel experience for you and you couldn’t help but start to feel like your affection for him was growing twice fold. _This is how he is when you weren’t with him?_ You turn to Doyoung to find him looking embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. For once he was speechless and didn’t have a blunt comeback, so you knew it was all true. You take a step closer to him and interlace your fingers in his. 

“Is this true?”

“Well, of course I’m the happiest man alive… I’ve got you.” Doyoung brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. He was being incredibly endearing. A little too endearing you might say.

“Okay not to ruin the mood, but you’re being unusually sweet,” you laugh.

“Yeah, I’m not used to seeing Doyoung like this. This is weird.” You had almost forgotten that Taeyong was here. 

“I think Doyoung is just tired. He’ll snap at you again tomorrow, don’t worry.” And so was Mark.

Doyoung must've thought the same thing. “Can you guys leave now?” As he gestures at the door. 

“I admit this is so cute but  I don’t think we should leave you to do the hoo-ha in our practice room,” says Taeyong. Mark broke into a fit of giggles whereas you wanted to bury yourself somewhere. 

“Did you just say—“ You didn’t get to finish your sentence as Doyoung pulled your arm, both of you taking off running out of the room. You reach the bottom of the staircase, laughing, breathless, and out of stamina. You nudge Doyoung in the elbow, “now is a better time than ever to elope, right?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love clingy doyoung but there's angst coming up next and i am ready


	5. Memorising You

“Is it over yet?” You ask, peering through the fingers you have over your eyes as the sound of creaking doors coming from the TV begins to die down. You hated horror movies. You didn’t think it was cute or romantic to be watching them with Doyoung despite the fact that it gave you excuses to find refuge in his arms. But you could do that without the horror movie anyway. Jungwoo, on the other hand, retreated behind the couch using pillows to block his ears. 

“You can open your eyes now, it’s over.” Doyoung was a liar and you should’ve known better. You slowly remove your hands in time for a jump scare to flash onto the screen and you let out an unattractive yelp followed by Doyoung's chuckle. You immediately turn around to see Jungwoo with the saddest look of discomfort on his face. 

“Come on Jungwoo, let’s get some snacks,” you say as you tug at his sleeve. The kitchen wasn’t exactly a separate room from where the TV was, but at least you were far enough for the TV to be out of sight.

“Why did we agree to watch this movie?” Jungwoo asks.

“Because we’re stupid,” you say as you tore open a bag of chips. Hanging out at the dorms were a lot more fun now that the members knew. You were reluctant to come around at first because you felt like you were intruding, but Taeyong joked about how Doyoung was a lot more bearable with you around.

“Do you think we could just eat snacks here till it’s over?”

“I’m with you on that,” you say as you offer him the bag.

“I’m glad you’re here though,” Jungwoo replied, in between munches. “It’s not as scary when you’re around.”

“Jungwoo,” Doyoung calls from the couch. “Stop flirting with [Y/N].”

Jungwoo laughs lightly and then walks back over to the couch, sits next to Doyoung and leans against his shoulder. “But I only have eyes for you.”

“I guess I’m the third wheel again,” you say as you joined them, resuming your place on the other side of Doyoung. The door then bursts open loudly with Lucas walking in.

“Lucas!” Jungwoo exclaims, immediately leaving Doyoung’s shoulder. Now it was your turn. You tug on Doyoung’s arm and with his eyes still glued to the TV, he puts an arm around you and lightly pushes your head to lean against him. You look up at Doyoung deciding that you’d much rather stare at his face for the rest of the movie. You couldn’t hear the screams coming from the TV anymore when all you could think about was how spring was the most beautiful time of the year and how Doyoung is the most beautiful man you’ve ever laid eyes on.

* * *

Comeback season was almost over for NCT and you figured the schedules won’t be as packed anymore. You knew what went on behind the scenes and how much the boys needed the rest. Although this definitely was the case for most of the members, unfortunately it wasn’t for Doyoung. Doyoung was starting an MC position for a music show again (obviously because he’s darn good at it) and there was a growing list of 127 schedules overseas.

**Unknown :) @ 2:13PM: do you have 15 mins to spare**

**You @ 2:13PM: hmm why?**

**Unknown :) @ 2:13PM: rooftop**

You’ve been to the rooftop maybe twice during your time at SM and you think to yourself that you really ought to be up there more. It was a beautiful spacious area that apparently not many people knew about. Different plants were scattered in this space and it looked exceptionally beautiful this time of year. You found Doyoung sitting on the side that looked straight out onto Han River, sipping on an iced Americano. The only downside of the rooftop was the wind, wherein you end up with a mouthful of hair every now and then. 

“Being up here reminds me of that High School Musical scene,” you said, grabbing his attention. Doyoung turns to you with his eyes squinting, the sun directly in his face. 

“Don’t expect me to start singing and dancing.” He offers you a sip of his drink, which you accept.

“That’s literally your job though,” you say. “Anyway, what’s up?” 

“Can’t I just see you because I miss you?” Doyoung opens his arms wide, asking you to sit on his lap. Once you do, he tightly wraps himself around you as you hold onto his neck for balance.

You shake your head. “That’s not very convincing. Usually you want something—”

“But I do miss you!” He hugs you even tighter. “We haven’t been able to hang out as much and I know it’s my fault.” That’s true, but you cared about Doyoung enough to respect that he’s got his own responsibilities. Besides, he never failed to find ways to make it up to you, even when you don’t ask.

“I miss you too, but it’s okay. We’ll work it out.” You place your chin on Doyoung’s head as you lightly play with the strands of his hair at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah, we can work things out.” Doyoung lets go so that he can look you right in your eyes. This was an unfamiliar sight to you as it had always been you needing assurance from him. Not that Doyoung ever made you question how he felt for you, but just because you have those days that get rough and you needed to hear him say the right things. But looking at Doyoung now you start to think if maybe he thinks about these sorts of things too. Was he ever afraid that it wouldn’t work out? Did Doyoung ever think about a future that included you too? Although you’ve always been convinced that you needed him to keep you grounded way more than he needed you, the look on his face right now said otherwise.

“Now, why are you being extra clingy? I’m suspicious,” you kiss his cheek. That worrisome expression slowly dissipated as the creases around his eyes started to appear with his smile. _This_ was the look you wanted to see on him. 

“Okay, so…” He starts.

You roll your eyes, “I knew it.”

“I’ve been casted as the main role for a drama!” The light in his eyes were restored and his grin stretched to reveal his charming gummy smile. It surprised you to realise that you didn’t respond immediately. You were happy for him, of course you were, but why did you feel uneasy?

“Oh, wow! Uh—I didn’t even know you wanted to get into acting…” You started to say. Doyoung motioned for you to get off as he stood up and straightened his shirt. Maybe he didn’t pick up on your hesitation. You scoff in attempt to mask your sudden confusion. “You always made fun of your brother for it.”

Doyoung turned to look at you. “Yeah I was a bit iffy at first too but our manager thought I’d be good at it so… we’ll see!” He kisses you on your forehead before heading back down, leaving you to think about why you didn’t feel as encouraging as you wanted to feel. You knew that this meant less free time for Doyoung to spend with you, but you decide to take your own advice. To remind yourself that the both of you can work it out.

* * *

Mark’s contagious laughter fills the dorm as he almost knocks over the glass of water sitting next to your laptop. “Make his lips bigger!!!”

Lucas phases through four different facial expressions before throwing his hands up in exasperation. Mark was way too excited when you mentioned that you still had the Sims 4 on your laptop and begged you to let him try it. So far, he’s already made a sim of Haechan, Renjun, and Johnny. Now he’s just messing around with the one he’s making of Lucas.

As much as you loved watching the boys making fun of each other, you kept glancing at the clock to see that it was almost midnight and Doyoung still hadn’t gotten back. This time you weren’t sure where he was. Was he MC-ing tonight? Was it a table read for the new script? 

“He’ll be back soon, don’t worry!” Lucas nudged you.

“I’m not worried,” you shrugged and turned back to your laptop. “Mark… Lucas’ arms aren’t that big.”

“Yes they are!” Lucas exclaims, suddenly rolling up his sleeves.

You don’t know when you fell asleep or how you got to the sofa but you woke up to find the dorms in darkness and yourself in the arms of the man you were waiting for. You were a little annoyed that you didn’t get to kiss him hello or ask him how his day was or hear him make a witty comment but the longer your stared at his face, watching him sleep, the more that annoyed feeling faded and was replaced by you wanting to lock him in your arms and never let him get up again.

“You’re staring at me, aren’t you?” He mumbles with his eyes still shut. You couldn’t help but giggle. 

“Oh my god Doyoung, I'm not always staring at you!” you whispered loudly. Doyoung’s arms wrap around you even tighter and brings you closer to him. 

“Sshh… sleep.”

* * *

Sneaking around into the NCT dorms was one thing but sneaking around a music show you weren’t supposed to be at was on a completely different level and you were feeling unsettled the entire time. You were a goody-two shoes back in school that never wanted to break the rules but Doyoung insisted that you hide in the dresser room so the both of you could hang out. It was his fault anyway that he just somehow could not find any other time to see you.

“Ugh this is making me so anxious, can’t I just see you next week?”

Doyoung glances at the door cautiously but looks back at you with a smirk. “Oh come on, we’re living on the edge!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be the responsible one in the group?” 

“Only when I’m with the dreamies. Oh! Have I showed you the set of where we’re filming tomorrow?” Doyoung proceeds to take his phone out to show you a bunch of pictures. It’s been a couple weeks since Doyoung broke the news of his acting career and besides how busy that made him, you were in awe of how excited he was to be trying something new and so naturally you couldn’t help but feel happy for him too. Still, these thoughts weren’t enough to distract you from the constant fear that someone was going to walk in on you two.

“Oh my god, why is your face like that? Lighten up, we won’t get caught!” Doyoung holds your chin up and flashes you that gummy smile you love. “If I kiss you now, will you loosen that frown?”

“A kiss and buy me pancakes.”

“I can make you pancakes.”

“I don’t like the ones you make.”

“Then you don’t get a kiss.”

“Then I’m going to keep frowning.” You hold your glare at him and he rolls his eyes and tries to hide his smile, knowing he lost. 

“Shut up, you’re so cute.” He cups your face and is about to lean in when the door flings open, exactly the way you feared it would. _Why does this always happen to us?_ But who you saw at the doorway made you want to crawl away in embarrassment as Doyoung’s manager was caught speechless. Doyoung calmly walks over to him and they engage in hushed conversation before gesturing for you to join them.

“Listen, I’m not mad. If you’ve kept it quiet for this long, then no harm done,” said the manager. “I’m just going to give a warning, if the fans find out you know how much backlash you could get and you are the ones we look out for, first and foremost. It can get really nasty on your end if this gets out.”

“Don’t worry! Everything is under control.” Doyoung was optimistic. 

“I won’t tell your supervisor, this could be between us,” the manager said, tapping your arm. “One more thing Doyoung, this doesn’t change what we spoke about this morning, okay?”

The optimism from Doyoung’s voice disappeared in an instant and his face settled with a grim look as he nodded. You couldn’t help but feel your stomach tying itself in knots. When the manager left, closing the door behind him, you ask immediately. “What did he mean?”

Doyoung offered a light chuckle but wouldn’t look at your face. “Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just…”

“Doyoung…” You place a hand on his shoulder.

“There’s a publicity tactic they want to try out when the drama gets released.” He pauses and seems to be carefully choosing his words before continuing. “They want me and the female lead to ‘officially’ date,” he finishes, holding his hands up to signify quotation marks. 

“Oh.” You didn’t want to sound bothered but you were. A million thoughts came racing at a speed you couldn’t keep up with and you weren’t really listening when Doyoung was trying to assure you that this wouldn’t affect anything. That it’s just temporary to hype up the audience. That they only have to be seen together in public when the cameras are flashing. That the female lead was nowhere as pretty as you. You knew he was trying to get you to smile but your stomach finished itself in a double knot and that was impossible to undo. 

Doyoung finally stopped talking to just look at you, eyes filled with concern. He took your hand and softly held it, rubbing circles with his thumb. “[Y/N], please look at me.” You meet his eyes and a warm tingling sensation ran through your chest. “I swear, this will be nothing.” You only stare at him. “You know that you’re the only one I want.” Silence. “I’d choose you over Jeno.” You choke at that comment.

“Really?”

Doyoung exhales loudly, “but don’t tell him that.” With no surprise, you give in. He envelopes you in his embrace, swaying back and forth slowly. He didn’t know, but you wanted to memorise everything you felt at that particular moment because you were afraid something was going to change. Perhaps you were being overdramatic but you didn’t want to take the risk of forgetting the rhythm of his heartbeat and the way his hands would stroke your hair at first and then slowly come down to rub your back and finally settle on your lower back. 


	6. Run To You

The dream was dark, cold and like any other dream, no distinct beginning or end. All you knew was that you were stuck. Feet cemented into the ground or the joints in your bones rusted. Whatever it was, it kept you from moving. You opened your mouth to scream but your jaw refused to move, fighting the same battle like your lips sewn shut. Something threatening loomed over behind you and it was getting closer and closer…

The hour mark beep from your bedside clock was enough to make you jump, a cold sweat running down your forehead. If you weren’t woken up by this nightmare, you sure would have been by rattling sound coming from the kitchen. Already feeling afraid, you pull the blanket over your face but instead of peace settling, a loud, jarring CLANG! of something hitting the tiled floor breaks the silence. You put on a brave face and grab the object nearest to you, in this instance it was a hairdryer, and you tip-toed your way towards the kitchen. Peeking around the corner, your grip tightened around the hairdryer when suddenly soft humming seeped through the air. Of course, it was just Doyoung. 

He must’ve heard your footsteps when he immediately swung around with a wide grin but upon seeing you, the smile faded and was replaced by a frown. He hurried towards you, stepping over the frying pan he dropped. “Are you okay? Did—did I wake you? You look pale. Ew,” he wiped his hands onto your shoulder, “you’re sweating.” 

“Mmm, nightmare,” you mumbled, moving past him to look for snacks. The light from the fridge illuminated the dark kitchen only to reveal that there was half an onion inside, an empty carton of milk, and a half eaten sandwich from the day before.

Doyoung yawned but rummaged through the cabinet anyway. “Sit down, I’ll make you something.” Your chin nestled comfortably in your folded arms on the kitchen counter, watching Doyoung watch the water boil in the pot. He still had his coat on and you could see the faint water droplets soaked in from the light drizzle.

“Did you just get back from filming?”

“Yep, well, me and some of the other cast went out for food. Did I tell you I have a fight scene? I’m learning the stunts now. I can’t wait for you to see it.” He ripped opened the packet of ramen. “Oh! My brother came by the set today too. He said I was doing well for an amateur. Pfft, I bet I’m doing way better than he did at his first shoot.” He could be burnt out, exhausted, and running on 2 hours of sleep but still have so much to say. “What about you? How’s work been?”

“Same old, nothing new,” you sigh. You’ve been taking on more tasks and more assignments, trying to keep yourself occupied so that you didn’t end up sulking over how much you missed seeing his dumb face peek around at the office. As occupied as you were, you then realised you weren’t immersed in the work that you did anymore. You fell into a routine that only had you staring at the time until you could finally clock out. Work wasn’t anything exciting to talk about, but there was something else you’d been itching to ask. “So… Is the female lead friendly?” You knew this question was harmless, but you also knew that Doyoung could see right through you and know what you meant. However, if he did, he didn’t show any signs of it as he just shrugged in response, turning off the stove.

“Yeah, she’s alright. We’re having lunch next week with some other guys.”

“Oh.” At that, Doyoung ruffled your hair as he walked by you, keeping the bowl of ramen in his hand and making way to the couch.

“Come on, we need to finish that episode.”

“Aren’t you tired? You should go sleep.”

“Do you want to come over here and cuddle or not?” You respond with silence. “I’m gonna eat it all…” He opened his mouth wide, holding the bowl up to his face.

“Don’t you dare…” You jumped over the couch instantaneously, grabbing the bowl from him and earning that charming eye roll. He slung an arm over you, watching you slurp the noodles to your heart’s content. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the endearment emanating as his lips curved upward.“What?” You taunted, jutting your chin out at him.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Doyoung pinches your cheek before he turns to play the episode you both left off at. If you could spend all your 2AMs like this, you would. With your legs thrown over his and his fingers mindlessly rubbing your ear lobe, you thought about how selfish you were for wishing that you could stay with him like this and let the entire world move on without you. 

* * *

The dark clouds gathered as you watched from the car window seat, humming to the song playing on the radio when Taeyong abruptly reached for his bag at his feet. “Mark, did you bring the script?”

“What? No, you said you had it.” Mark, sitting in between you and Taeyong, was now scurrying through his own backpack. You inaudibly scoffed, knowing that this always happened.

“I swear I took it with me… How come it’s not here?” Taeyong was now carefully emptying the contents of his bag. You looked over and waved the important document in front of their faces.

“You left it before we changed cars,” you said as you dropped it onto his lap. With a sheepish grin, Taeyong apologised and then thanked you as he sighed in relief, flipping through the pages in review. You had to beg your supervisor to let you come for this individual schedule; anything to avoid being bored to death in the office, stuck with administrative tasks. What’s worse is whenever you zoned out, all that came to mind was how Doyoung hadn’t texted you.

“We should be done by lunch time, right?” Mark turns to Taeyong, who completely missed the question because he was thoroughly reading the script and then turns to you, in which you purposely ignore by continuing to stare out the window. “O-kay.”

The filming for the ad was going smoothly but no one would have expected the banging lightning bolt that struck too close to the electricity generator of the building causing the power to go out. Slight panic ensued amongst the crew in pitch darkness.

“We can just come back tomorrow and finish it or something, right?” Taeyong turns to you, after you got off the phone with their manager. 

“Hmm, no can do. These guys don’t have another time slot for you but they said the power will come back on soon, they’re calling a guy as we speak. Besides, I don’t think we’d want to be out in the traffic in this kind of storm.” Taeyong nodded, accepting what you just said and walked off to reveal Mark standing behind him, pulling a sour face. “Oh don’t give me that look. At least there’s food in the snack area.”

You grab a juice box from the table and then proceed to sit on the floor. Candles and flashlights were littered across the set quite prettily now. Someone was playing NCT’s discography from their phone, placing it in a bowl to mimic the effects of a speaker. You stared at your phone for far too long that the words ‘No Notifications’ were starting to look funny.

“You tired?” Taeyong sat down next to you, with a plate of assorted donuts in his hand. He kindly offers the plate to you first before snatching the strawberry jam-filled one.

“I’m fine. Why?” You take a bite of the chocolate sprinkled donut.

“I don’t know if it’s just the dramatic effect of the dark and the storm and the candles, but you look quite the opposite of fine.” As if on cue, a soft and low pitched thunder rolled throughout the sky, subtly felt through the tiled floor and the frames of the building. You could’ve just said you were fine again and Taeyong would’ve left it at that. He would’ve moved on to talk about something arbitrary while you would’ve continued to be in denial, letting the feelings of insecurity wash over you, as it always did. You could’ve just waited for that reassuring smile Doyoung would give you sometime later to temporarily numb this exhausting feeling but Taeyong was attentive and this set up a magnetic pull in which you couldn’t help but feel comfortable around him.

“I’m just… scared?” was all you could say. Taeyong immediately set his donut down on the plate.

“Doyoung?” Just hearing his name made your stomach churn in ways you never ask it to. “Is this… about that publicity stunt…? Or his never-ending schedules? Or his new haircut?”

“What? I love his new haircut.”

“Oh.” Taeyong looked like he wanted to burst into giggles and you would have too.

“It’s everything. I’m being unreasonably clingy, like I’m _always_ waiting on him.” You put your donut down, uneasiness replacing your appetite. “I once caught myself wishing he never got that part in the drama. And that sounds bad, I know. But I’m proud of him, of course I am. And there’s that stupid publicity thing, I mean—he already has to film romantic scenes with her, why do they need to take it out to public?” You realised you were talking as much as Doyoung did. Mark came to sit in front of you both, finishing the chocolate-sprinkled donut you left after two bites.

“Does he know?” Taeyong’s voice was light as he stared at the floor, clearly deep in thought. You knew he was trying to orchestrate some well-mannered advice to give to you, but you were comforted alone by the fact that he was here. 

“No—I just… I don’t want him to worry about this, it’s nothing really. It’s just me. Please don’t say anything to him.” The words were coming out of you unwillingly and you almost cowered at how pathetic you sounded. Mark placed a hand on your shoulder, chocolate sprinkles decorating the corners of his lips.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but you really have no idea how special you are to Doyoung.”

Taeyong’s face lit up immediately, the creases in his eyes appearing. “He’s right. He talks about you non-stop. He might seem like he’s smooth and knows all the right things to say, but that’s only because of hours of asking advice from us.” Mark stopped himself from chuckling but everyone knew how contagious his laughs were. Maybe this was all you needed.

“If you do decide to tell him all this, he’d be understanding. He might be mad that you didn’t tell him sooner. But if you don’t want to, I’m here if you need anything.” You were almost taken aback by how mature Mark sounded. He was definitely right. Doyoung would never undermine your own worries, no matter what they may be. 

As fate would have it, your pocket started vibrating and when you look to see the caller ID, “speak of the devil.”

Taeyong and Mark left you to pick the phone up, winking at you encouragingly before scurrying off.

“Hey, was just thinking about you.” You were scarily good at masking your own emotions, as if you weren’t just wallowing in your despair in front of those two boys. 

Though the shaky voice you heard through the speaker, one that didn’t even greet you, caught you by surprise. “Where are you?”

“At a studio for an ad filming with Taeyong and M—”

Doyoung didn’t let you finish. “Oh right, you told me.” He pauses and if it weren’t for the hard rain coming down outside, you might’ve heard a sniffle. “Okay, never mind. I’ll talk to you later.”

“No, it’s fine the elec—” He hangs up.

Minutes go by and you’re frozen in place, unable to reconcile what had just happened. Something was wrong and you knew that being here wasn’t going to solve. You didn’t know what you were thinking when you grabbed your things and sprinted for the exit, ignoring Mark as he called after you. When you walked out, immediately smacked with the winds and rain that drenched you in no time, you could only think about Doyoung. That whatever it was, you needed to be there with him. 

Moments later, you’re in a cab and Doyoung tells you he’d wait for you at the office. Rain water still dripped from the ends of your hair and it only dawned on you what you had done when you see your supervisor call you for the fifth time in a row. You leave your phone on silent. This was the literal definition of calling someone and that they’ll come running. So was it really such a sin that you’d run to Doyoung any day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well it's been months since i've updated this fic and i've left it for so long that i didn't realise there were readers that genuinely wanted to know what happens next. over time, i've been reading other fics and realising that i want to get better with my own writing (which is why i've been playing around with shorter, one-shots). i'd like to think that i've "grown" in my writing over the past couple months and so each time i come back to this one, wanting to finish it, i'm reminded of the writing style that i didn't enjoy so much?
> 
> furthermore, up until the fifth chapter i've been completely winging the story on the spot, with no plot in mind and i guess i set myself up for failure bc i'd prefer my long fics to have character development and conflict and all that jazz (so you might see me squeezing this all in soon). i've realised i've actually typed out a bunch of excerpts for the next couple chapters so i'll be finishing this for sure.
> 
> (also i love doyoung i do, but ever since jungwoo joined 127, he snatched me back into his lane and although he may not get a lot of screen time, or a lot of lines in their title tracks, i cannot ever take my eyes off of him and i'd have his 2 second BLESS ME AH CHOO on repeat forever. i love that man. thanks for coming to my tedtalk)


	7. The Breakdown

You haven’t had a good yelling since you faked your parents’ signature in fifth grade for a math test you did badly on. But to be yelled at, in a work setting, and saying it was embarrassing, was an understatement. Your supervisor didn’t even give you the benefit of the doubt or even a mere second to explain yourself because she ambushed you as soon as you arrived. You swear she had the building security notify her when you arrived at the office this morning. You caught onto keywords like “slacking off” and “disobeyed” but you almost didn’t care anymore, evading eye contact with her like your teenage angst was making a comeback. 

Finally, she finished her long, elaborate speech with a condescending, “do you understand?” and when you look up to politely respond, you see Jungwoo's face duck away quick in a split second from the corner. Surely, he had heard everything but you figure it couldn’t get any more humiliating than being yelled at in front of the whole department. 

It was foolish, the way you ran off like that in the middle of work, you didn’t need anyone to tell you twice. It was also unprofessional, how you ignored and silenced each of your supervisor’s (and coworkers’) calls because you found it more important to hold a torn apart Doyoung in your arms. Worst of all, it was pathetic, when you arrived home alone that night, sniffling from the cold that was about to catch on since you got drenched in the rain, and when you fought the stinging in your eyes staying up for a text from Doyoung that never came.

You blink away the sleeplessness as you put your bag down at your desk and make your way towards the bathroom, thinking a cold splash in the face is all you needed to wake yourself up from this horrid morning. 

When you get to the bathroom, after checking whether all the stalls were empty, you lean on your arms holding the sink and stare at your reflection for a good minute. Your eye bags might as well have been running mascara and your chapped lips made you itch to peel the dry skin. Even though you were in a state where you could roll your eyes at your supervisor just moments ago, something in you snaps when you stare at yourself for longer and the tears fall before you could catch them. 

You weren’t usually a bawler, but you clutched at your chest feeling some sort of ache in there you hadn’t felt before and you wanted to scream your lungs out as the tears pooled at your chin. Was this just stress from work building up and finally exploding? Was it only work-related? 

There was no hesitation when you pulled out your phone to call Doyoung but it angered you even more when he doesn’t pick up. You ring him again, tapping furiously against the sink as you tried holding your breath to calm the sobs that kept hiccuping out of you. Now your eyes were swollen too. Great. He doesn’t pick up again and you’re debating on whether you should text him about it. But just as you’re about to send the message, you stop yourself. He’s probably busy. He doesn’t need to get back to an ominous message about your distress and get worried for nothing. You put your phone back in your pocket and walk back out instead, wiping your eyes dry and putting on your brave face.

When you step out, you immediately run into Jungwoo and somehow, letting go and breaking down into him became easier than breathing. Jungwoo holds you up by your arm immediately and brings you into one of the pantries of the office, closing the door behind him to make sure no one else would come in. He looks worried. He’s grabbing tissues from the cabinets and handing them to you in thick bunches. He then offers you a cup of tea and does his best to boil water in the kettle. He keeps looking back at you as you blow your nose and his eyes soften in a way that make you feel like he might cry too. 

“I know you’re gonna say no, but,” Jungwoo pauses to get you to look up at him. “Are you okay?”

You wished the anger poured out with the tears but they didn’t, instead accumulating inside of you because Doyoung should have been here to ask you that. But you don’t want to think that way, you don’t want to think that he had to be entirely responsible for you. 

You take a deep breath and smile at Jungwoo. When you don’t say anything in response because you’re afraid opening your mouth was an invitation to start sobbing again, Jungwoo pulls you into the warmest, most loving hug like he was transferring his own warmth into you. You were grateful he was there. 

After you took a sip of the tea he had made you, you opened up little by little. Starting with the lighter things like how you’d been finding the weather lately and then getting into heavier topics like work dissatisfaction. Jungwoo had good ears and you were finally able to breathe properly without sobbing. Eventually, the other coworkers wanted to come in to use the pantry too and Jungwoo had rehearsals for some performance they were doing. 

You feel a buzz in your pocket.

**Unknown :) @ 8:56AM: ???**

**Unknown :) @ 8:56AM: everything okay?**

**You @ 9:00AM: yeah nevermind**

**You @ 9:00AM: all good now**

**Unknown :) @ 9:23AM: u sure?**

**You @ 9:25AM: yeah :)**

* * *

 

Passive aggressiveness, you realise, was not at all your forte. When Doyoung had come back to the office building later in the afternoon, you couldn’t help but brush off his invite to get coffee from the cafe downstairs. When he pesters you asking why, poking your cheek and tickling that one space he _knows_ always gets you, you couldn’t even feign laughter or even offer a fake smile. You just couldn’t and it seemed like you _wanted_ Doyoung to tell that you’ve had a pretty crappy morning. 

But Doyoung had another schedule to get to, as he always did, so he couldn’t pester you anymore. What you don’t expect though, was to see him sitting on your doorstep when you got home late that night. You voluntarily stayed at work for longer just because you didn’t feel like coming home to an empty house and be alone with thoughts that were scary.

So when you see him, he gets up and huffs out a sigh, brushing dust off the back of his pants. You also wonder why he was sitting out there, when he obviously had a spare key too.

“I’ve been waiting for you. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

You look around your bag to find your phone and found that Doyoung had indeed left you about 8 missed calls. 

“It was on Do Not Disturb. Was working late.” Your replies are short and succinct and you had the strange feeling that you didn’t want to invite him in, like he was an intrusive stranger and not your boyfriend.

“What’s up with you today?”

“What?”

“Did something happen?” He asks the question accusingly and you glare at him.

“Yeah but _Jungwoo_ was there to comfort me so it’s all fine now.” You shoved past him to unlock the door and you immediately regret the words that spilled out of your mouth like that. What was the point of mentioning Jungwoo that way? What was the point of saying something that already sounded a lot like blaming? Doyoung follows you in and closes the door behind him.

“What? Is that why I got those missed calls from you this morning? Is that why you’ve been acting so cold all day?” With each question, Doyoung sounded even more irritated.

“I wasn’t acting cold,” your voice is quiet.

Doyoung laughs out loud, but not the laugh that you love. This one was sarcastic and almost cruel. “Come on, Y/N! Can we stop with this childishness and can you just tell me what’s wrong?” You look at him as you think, trying to form the right response. He looks around your living room and his eyes settle on your window sill. “Oh my god, did you overwater the plants I got for you, _again_?”

“Can you stop nagging me for once?” You don’t know why you got so defensive when Doyoung mentioned the plants. This was such a pointless conversation. 

“I’m not _nagging_ ,” Doyoung says the word like it’s filthy. “I’m just saying, those plants—” He shakes his head, changing tracks. “Never mind. Listen, I missed you so damn much and you know how busy I’ve been. So when I do get time off, _this_ is how we spend—”

You don’t let him finish. “I KNOW, OKAY!” You knew very well that raising your voice never gets the conversation anywhere but it seemed like your breakdown this morning wasn’t enough to let go of all the emotions you’ve pent up unhealthily. “I know.” You repeat, lowering your voice so as not to rekindle the argument. 

In truth, you felt like it was entirely unfair. You were made aware of how much you had been giving in this relationship lately and how Doyoung had been unable to. But it didn’t make sense to you. You were so ready to rush towards him, leaving your work schedule, dropping everything to run to him when he was stressing out and breaking down, but it was somehow impossible for him to do that for you? You never asked for much, you never asked him to choose between his career and you and you never wanted to be that kind of person either. But the one time you really felt like you just needed him to ask if you were okay, he couldn’t be there?

Doyoung seemed to get a gist of what was going on and he walks over to you, brushing his fingers against your cheek. In almost a low whisper, he says, “I can tell my manager to better work the schedules, so I can get more time off?”

You shake your head in his palm and you raise your hand to place it over the hand he has on your face. Doyoung was still sweet and your heart swells a little at the thought of him making such an offer. But you knew you could never have him do that. You breathe a little easy and fall into his arms where you felt safer than you’ve ever been and it was like the dumb fight never happened. Maybe you were just tired. Maybe it wasn’t as dramatic as your messy mind made it out to be. 

But it wasn’t, for a week later, the disappointment returns as a familiarity you wish you didn’t know.

“I’m really, really, really sorry [Y/N]. I promise I will make it up to you, I swear.”

It’s the third time Doyoung cancelled this week and you were trying exceptionally hard not to sound disappointed over the phone. “No don’t feel bad, it’s fine really.” Silence ensues on the other end.

“I’ll make it up to you, okay? I’ll text you later.”

“Don’t worry about it, good luck with the show.” You hang up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the amount of angry, rebellious angsty teenager i had to channel to write this made my head hurt and im terribly sorry if it becomes a tad disconnected in terms of the writing style or the pace of the story


End file.
